This article is for those moms who share custody of their kids with their ex-partner and experience many different feelings when it’s time to do so. You see it all the time where relationships don’t work out or the way it was supposed to be.
Your relationship has come to an end or maybe you are in the middle of a separation and you and your partner has decided to take a time out and explore if living separate lives is best for everyone is involved. It’s a known fact that the ending or the beginning of the end of a relationship isn’t fun, it’s a lot of emotions, powerplays and most often outright heartbreaking.
It’s a hard truth but it’s a part of life. Relationships do fall apart!
Some relationships may have consisted of just two people but what about those relationships that has children involved. Those relationships that was a full family unit.
Most often than not when these separations occur the Mom is usually left with the kids and visitation is shared with the father.
Unfortunately, not every separation is the same and not every situation actually gets to a peaceful or may I say “let’s do what’s best for the kids” resolution. That peaceful resolution usually take some time and a lot of self-realization, acceptance and maturity on both sides.
In some relationships, the handing over of the kids to the other partner on their set days are full of drama and then there are situations where the ex-partners actually remain cordial for the sake of the kids.
And its very important to acknowledge the fact that the kids are the most important people in the entire separation. As much as we adults are entitled to our individual feelings. When you’re a parent, the kids come first. They should always come first! Any decisions moving forward should be in the best interest of the kids despite how you feel or your ex partner feels.
If you’re a mom that must experience the hand over whether it be on weekend, during the week or holidays etc. I can attest to the fact that; it takes some getting use to especially when you have a lot of unresolved feelings within yourself.
Why you may dread sharing custody or the hand over:
- You may still need time to heal. Relationship endings aren’t always equal even if the decision to end the relationship was made out of logic.
- You may need some additional space from your ex- partner to accept whatever made the relationship come to an end. Sometimes the only way to recover and settle into singledom in your own power is some space between the two parties.
- You are going to feel lost and alone when your kids aren’t around or running around the house. As much as parents may complain about how much responsibility it is to have kids and how tired they are. We have grown to love their existence, the constant sounds of their voices.
- Fear that your kids will prefer the other parent more and will one day decide that they want to live with them instead of you.
- Fear that your ex-partner may not align their parenting choices with yours.
The list can go on and on depending on your situation but its important that you come to terms with what is happening in your life. Its not an easy task to accept that this is the new normal.
It sometimes takes months, even years to accept that the romantic relationship with your ex-partner is over. But its also important to live in the ‘now’ and recognize that a new relationship and journey called ‘Co-parenting’ has started.
This is the reality of separation with kids involved and a lot of parents don’t realize it.
Co- parenting isn’t an easy task and just like any relationship it may constantly need to be worked on.
I am not a professional at this, I am an everyday mom who has experienced this and thankfully came out on the other side.
Both parents are important to kids and its important to be able to co-parent in a healthy manner.
Instead of dreading the handover, or entertaining negative thoughts about the entire interaction. You should consider the time alone as an opportunity to take care of self. Learn to embrace being with yourself. Take the time to heal on your days when your ex-partner has to take the kids.
Understand that you can’t control life, life happens. Its constantly moving and changing and if you allow yourself to think of the what ifs and the maybe and don’t begin to reconcile and accept that Life happens. You would be stuck forever in negative thoughts, in the past and this only hinders your development as an individual and being a great mom for your kids.